Hello again,
and welcome to my hell... um, lets see here, not too much going on in my
life... Travis broke up with Meredith, i feel really bad for the guy, and
i think it's my fault, he says he has other reasons, and he probably does,
but if i would have kept my pretty little hands to myself, maybe this wouldn't
of happened, and maybe Travis wouldn't be all sad now. I feel so bad for
him, last night he was all depressed, and i don't know what to do about
it... i don't know what he wants from my, i love the guy to death, but
i'm praying he understand that i can't have a relationship with him...
at one point i really did, i really really did think i could of... and
it's not him that makes me not want a relationship with him, i would date
him in a second, if nate wasn't in my life... but he is. Yes,
Nate... That which controls my soul... Right now i'm waiting for him to
get home from where ever it is so i can talk to him... i keep calling and
getting the dumb answering machine. I never in my dreams thought
that me and nate would last this long... never. I guess it's just because
we are so so so different. But now, i can't imagine a life without him.
I dunno... i can't wait to see how things turn out in the end... i still
don't think that we will last forever, nothing lasts forever... but it
feels like we will. I just can't believe that everything will work out
right, because it never does... not when you really want it too. Love is
something i don't understand... and i really wish i did understand it,
because that would make my life so much easier. In
other news, um... i'm doing pretty good at my little Avon business, getting
some cash... Staci's going to be an Avon girl too... um... okay that was
some really useless boring information, sorry.. Staci's having some little
guy problems... again... poor girl. She always seems to find guys that
don't deserve her... of course most women do. That's okay though, one day
she'll meet a beautiful guy with a beautiful soul, that is worthy of the
goddess known as Staci. Too bad she has to go through all this shit
before she finds him... I'm actually
a little worried as i write this... cause i'll bet Travis is going to read
this... Hi Travis!... and that makes me nervous... i don't know why. i
didn't plan on giving him my address, but he got it on his own... Sneaky
boy! I don't know why i'm so scared about him reading this, i guess i just
don't like it when people know what i'm thinking... and know everything
that i've thought... i dunno. I guess it really doesn't matter if Travis
reads some of this... this one is completely ok, well kinda. but
a couple past ones, i dunno... i don't want him to like hate me, or feel
indifference towards me.. not like i said anything bad about him, at least
not that i remember... i just wrote a lot when i was in my confused state
of mind and everything was fucked up... but now i'm pretty much straitened
out... and that's why i end up writing about dumb stuff, like Avon. Because
my life suddenly got a lot more boring. What
else can i say... um... i'm proud of myself for finally getting my page
up, and the staci goddess says it rocks, so i'm very pleased... Nate asked
me today if i had it up yet, i didn't really answer his question, because
i don't want him to read all my diary pages... that is a scary thought...
very scary. He doesn't need to see this, it would only get me in trouble,
or make him love me more, because i'm always rambling on about how much
i love him... hum... what can i say, i'm a fuck up. Well... i
guess that's about all there is for me to say tonight... i love you all...
all you cool people reading my most personal thoughts, and knowing more
about me than i do... i love all you people... now go sign my damn guest
book... i'll be pissed if you don't!
