Ok... i think
i'm better now... i mean from my last update... i don't know though...
things have gotten really strange... but not too strang... i dunno.. it's
wierd... Ok
so let my update situation... ok my backing off Travis hasn't quite worked
like i hoped... we seemed to have gotten closer in the past week than we
were before, and it probably didn't help that his date with Kristy got
cancled so i spent all weekend with him, and i think we need to stop doing
what we're doing... i dunno.... if he and kristy do hook up then, ick...
not only do i have to deal with the nate guilt, but kristy is one of my
best friends and that would about drive me crazy.... i'm very calm now,
very calm. Last time i wrote i was like spazzing out... i dunno... i need
to just back up and back off travis, plus my relationship with nate is
starting to get i viloent shove into a very serious relationship. Tonight
i was talking to nate, and he just got a new job and was rambling on about
his little money problems... and then he's like "well when i get all my
bills paid off and taken care of i'm going to start saving my money so
we can get a place together next year"... hum.. what do i think about this...
i guess it's kinda scary, and then again, really nice too.. but the thing
is i don't know what i'm doing after hight school i would like to go move
down there with him, i would love too... and now that he's talking about
it, i almost feel obligated too... i don't know if i want to feel obligated
to, i want to move in with him, but i don't want to let him control my
life.... which i know i will probably end up letting him do anyway... cause
i'm dumb like that... but i guess that's ok, because right now i'm so stressed
with trying to figure out what to do after highscholl that it would be
nice to have some one deside for me.... it really would... I
mean it... i'm so sick of hearing everyone ask me, so do you know what
your doing next year, where are you going to college, etc.... it makes
me sick... so what i'm a senior, i'm only 16, i will graduate at 17, and
i'm suposed to have my whole life planned out... i don't fucking think
so... that's bull shit i don't know what the hell i want to do. but i know
what i don't want to do, i don't want to fucking deside what i'm going
to do for the rest of my life... becasue that's bull shit... god i hate
people who are all like, oh i'm gong to this college for this, becasue
i've wanted to do this since i was 12... when i was 12 i wanted to be a
maraine biologist... i don't think i plan on that anymore... i know i don't
too much science and math shit... i don't know i'm fucked up... But
i think i'll go now... i have school tomorrow... which sucks ass... i hate
school, not really i just don't want to get up early. School bites. But
i think i've bitched enough tonight... acually compared to most of my entries
this is nothing. but i'll shut up and go now... nighty nighty!
