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Well then...
hello, hello... My world has been rather interesting lately... more or
less messed up i guess would be the best word for it.
Everything
with nate is the same as it has been.... i love him to death... and he's
finally being a good boy... which makes me very happy... i love him so
much. Since i'm talking about him i guess i'll tell you that i took my
first pregnancy test yesterday... i'm okay... thank god! I was a little
worried so i took one... it was kinda funny, me and lisa when out to Huepi
(our local Chinese restaurant) and took it in the bathroom... that's a
funny story i'm going to be telling my daughter sometime... how embarrassing!
In
Travis news... he's been kinda dicky lately... i dunno he got a new girlfriend
like this week and since then he's been acting all different towards me...
i mean i expect him too, but he's been really bitchy i dunno what's going
on with him, but i guess that things change... i dont really know what
to say. I'm jealous, not as bad as i was, i guess i just kinda figure that
it's finally going to end between us, even though a part of me really doesn't
want it to. i love him, i know that, but i guess we're just not meant to
be together. i understand that, but i'm not going to sit here and pretend
i don't love him, and i don't want to be with him, because part of me really
wants to be with him, but i guess right now we're just not meant to be
together, and someday in the future we are, then i'll just have to hope
things will work out for us then... right now it's just not possible.
Right
now i think i'm going to go to Nate's college.. i mean this is what i've
been really stressed about, and i've done a lot of thinking. I mean it's
an art college, it's two years... and i have a reason to go there. Every
other school is just like, yeah, it's a school... this one it's like i
have a reason to go there, Nate... and he really wants me to move in with
him next year, and i really want to.
I
just started crying, and i really don't know why... god what's wrong with
me... i have no explanation as to why i'm crying.. maybe it's just the
song... i'm listening to Tori Amos's remake of the Rolling Stones, "Angie"...
it's really sad and kinda hits close to home... i love it...
i
wish i knew what i wanted... because the truth is i really don't... this
is what i know right now. i love nate, and i love travis... that's
all i like know right now... i know i want to know what i'm supposed to
be doing with my life... i wish that there was just a book of my life that
would just tell me what to do. i don't know i'm just rambling now... i
wish i knew what i was talking about...
i
don't know where any of this is going... i'm just talking, and i guess
my mind is like not in a stable spot right now... so i'm just going to
go now... good bye.