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Hello there again my adoring public, (yeah i wish)... anyway here i am again to update you on my life, since last night i just went off and didn't really tell you much of anything about what else was going on in my psychotic life... so here it goes...

Boys, boys, boys.... the agony of my life... boys suck... (sorry for all you men reading this... but you do)... let's see Nate was acting like a psycho again... then he stopped... which is confusing, but a really good thing too! he was starting to be like all over attracted again... icky... to much for my tastes.
Paul... my new crush boy... being stupid, not noticing, or not caring that i'm giving him massive signals... he is always to "sick" to do something... dumb boy... i hope he doesn't think i want a relationship or something... i just want to play for a while.
Speaking of playing... i have a quite unlikely crush... this boy i hated for years of my life... i wished death upon him (he was the biggest ass-hole i knew).... and then he started working at APAC with the rest of us losers and turns out to be a really fun guy!... i like adore the kid now, not to mention have somewhat of a crush... let me tell you, if i thought i ever had a chance with to play with that boy, i would jump at the opportunity.
Then there's matt.... i love that boy to death... he is a really great friend... i love him so much! he's such a wonderful boy... he falls under the "non-retarded" listing in my massive list of boys i know... he's such a sweetie, and after he let me cry on him last night (read #21)...i just love him more... i think matt is a wonderful person... and okay, i'll confess it... if matt ever, ever found me attractive, or liked me in that way, or anything like that i would go for him in a second... but i'd be too afraid of hurting him... i love him a lot... i always have.
Girls, girls, girls.... another agony of my life... i swear, i used to say i have boys, and now i say i hate girls.... truth is i hate them both... girls are stupid and petty and temperamental, and some of them just have constant PMS...
Kasey still isn't talking to me... i guess letting her know she was being a bitch was a bad idea (again read #21) so she still hasn't had anything to say... of course neither have i... i mean what is there to say... i guess i kinda acted like an ass myself. but i guess i feel it was justified. the girl needs to know that just because she's mad at the world doesn't mean she can take it out on me... it's no need to be a bitch to your friends, right?
Other than that i don't really have any other girl problems... i'm just glad i stopped crying about that one... that was pathetic... poor matt... i still feel bad about crying on the kid... i know he doesn't know how to handle those situations... poor boy =(...
Leah.... i miss leah so much... right now she's the girl i would love to talk to... i miss her lots... i think about her everyday... she really is one of the funniest girls i know... damn it... i'm going to start crying again any minute... damn PMS... i just wish she was here now to talk to and cry at, cause i know she'd let me... blah! damn it there i go getting all teary again...
School, school, school... going to fucking kill me! i don't know... i just want to graduate so bad! i just need to get out of that damn school... i hate it there... i can't go a week without skipping a class... i cant stand being there anymore... i don't know what it is... i'm just ready to get out...
i have my interview at the creative center on friday... god, wish me luck... i'm just so afraid i wont be good enough... i'm afraid my art really sucks and no one was mean enough to tell me that... but you know this really is what i want to do... i want to be an artist... so everyone keep your fingers crossed for me... i'll need it...
oh yes... a new development... i am now applying to the academy of arts in san francisco... i got this thing in the mail on summer courses... and well... i would go for two months and live in down town san francisco... kinda scary... but really cool too... i mean, if i get accepted... that is an opportunity i just can't pass up... honestly, that would really be like a dream come true, to live in a city like that... my goodness... i think i would be in heaven, and if not, i'd only be there for two months so it really wouldn't matter.