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Well... yes i did have my first therapy session today...
it was really strange... to say the least, i dunno why... you know i'm
just not really that comfortable telling someone, twice my age (or more)
my deepest darkest secrets, or even what's troubling me. I dunno
it's kinda strange to go to a shrink, and i guess i'm going again next
week... i dunno it was just strange... i told him my like deep secret i
keep from the world, that yes, my life isn't as perfect as it looks cause
i had a fucked-up childhood, (those of you who know me know what i mean)...
and that is why my sister, insists that i go speak to him, to resolve those
childhood angers, and my "male issues".
Lets see here, i've been getting
really deep into my wiccan/magickal studies again... which i love... i've
been doing lots of divination, and i'm so proud of myself because i can
tell you what all 25 runes stand for... for instance on that looks like
this < is openings.... see i know all of them... i'm so proud... i try
to use them on a daily basis... I'm also reading more again, which
is good, cause i have to many books that i've baught and not read, so i'm
getting my ass in gear, which is really good! Because it is like my goal
in life now to be as good of a witch as Silver RavenWolf, and hopefully
one day be able to write books like hers, as good as hers... because she
is my goddess!... i like go to her web page all the time and i can't wait
for her new book to come out... it's like all about Halloween... so i'm
trying to get it in the next month, so i have lots to do this Halloween...
It's going to kick ass!!
Let's see, let's see... oh yes...
i dunno what to do about Travis, i went out with him after work today,
and it's like when i'm thinking about it when he's not around, i'm like
i just want to be friends with him, but when i'm close to him and having
fun... eh... it makes it so hard, you know? But i'm sticking to what i've
been saying, i love nate more than anything, and i don't think anyone could
change that... not even Travis... at least, i hope not, sometimes... i
dunno... sometimes i think things would just be so much easier if i chose
Travis over Nate, you know, travis is close, he doesn't do drugs, and he's
a sweetie... it's just that Nate has my heart. And i suppose that
should be all that matters, and i think in the long run... that is. Even
though i know that i have my feelings for Travis, i just don't know if
they could ever be what i feel for nate, if they could ever be that good,
or if they could be better... i dunno... I don't want Travis to break up
with Meredith though... i especially don't want him to do that for me.
He used to really, really love her and i can't believe that is just going
away... i don't want him to do something he will really regret. I
don't want to see him hurt either, and i'm afraid if we get to close, i
will hurt him... and that is not something i want to do at all... i dunno
i need to stop thinking about this.
Actually what i need to do is
go to bed... i have to get up at 5 tomorrow so i can go to Minneapolis
and take a run-way course, and talk to my "advisor" and hopefully my new
agent... So i need to get to sleep cause well... i just need time to relax
and sleep anyway... i never do that any more. So Good Night!